


Diary Entry No. 5273

by derasorea



Category: Free!
Genre: College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 01:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1286692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derasorea/pseuds/derasorea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Normal life for Rin is juggling engineering plates, three jobs, and swim training, until Rei comes and makes him soup.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Diary Entry No. 5273

**Author's Note:**

> [now just a little AU oneshot with the fish dorms taken out](http://derasorea.tumblr.com/post/97837304838/hi-de-derasorea-here-for-those-following-me)

 

(art by the lovely [ren](http://realizeren.tumblr.com/post/81058751260/hopefully-my-art-does-that-fanfic-some-justice). thank you ♥♥♥)

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Entry #5273_

_Sunday, March 31_

_GU @ 19:35_

 

 

(Rain)

Rin hated feeling lost or things not going according to plan — for someone so adept with maps and directions, who could easily memorize jogging routes and obscure bookstore locations, and whose swimming was poised and precise, how his emotions navigated through life over the past ten years had been in circles at best. He had thoroughly known uncertainty. He had worked hard not to feel it again.

He ran his eyes over the result sets. Simple moments like this, having control and being exact with numbers, was always pleasant.

“Matsuoka-kun, why are you here?”

He remembered why exactly: he didn't want to dwell. If he wasn't here, he'd be in bed, fighting off a three-day fever, getting nothing accomplished, feeling largely miserable. He was sick. He hated sickness. It felt like losing.

"I was e-mailed to come, Nakano-san," he addressed the middle-aged janitor of his university's engineering laboratory. "Just finishing up some tasks assigned by Kaminaga-sensei and Sugihara-sensei.”

“I see,” said Nakano, eyeing him with concern. Ever since Rin worked as a student assistant here two months ago, the older man had been friendly with him. “Only the THX block is using the lab on Sundays. Go home and sleep soon, Matsuoka-kun, or you won’t be in your best when your classes start.”

Two hours later and with no more numbers as a distraction, Rin felt misery settling in.

It had begun to rain.

He wondered how he'd even jog back to his dormitory. He held out a hand; the cold raindrops stung. Then again, rain was just water. He was already barely functioning, what else could it do to him? He supposed he could wait for it to stop, but the toll of working for seven hours nonstop was manifesting. His body craved his pillows. He was feeling hungry. Sleepy. Really cold. He just wanted to go back to his room and rest as soon as he could.

So despite his burning fever, he did it: he ran out into the rain.

 _It's just three blocks away, anyway_ , was his afterthought.

He dashed headlong through the downpour with cupped hands, watching the droplets slip through his fingers. He was soaked and shivering by the time he reached his dorm. Hurrying up the staircases to Room 43, he didn't see that the official list of residents for the new semester was posted today. _  
_

The lights were already on. He was sure he turned everything off before he left.

Eyebrow raised, he looked around. To his right, the bed bare just this morning was now covered in a crease-free blue and gray bedspread, a butterfly plushie placed neatly on top of two thick pillows. A suitcase was at its foot, half-empty, with the remaining clothes looking as if they were arranged by color. A large duffel bag and a bag of groceries lay beside it. Next to all these sat someone.

Rei.

Rei beamed at Rin, before frowning — possibly at the latter's pale, dripping form. “Rin-san?”

Rin blinked back at him. “The fuck are you doing in my room?”

 

 

(Roommate)

It was a minute that they're staring at each other, maybe more. Or maybe less, Rin shrugged, as his eyes quickly caught the zebra-print boxer shorts Rei was wearing, before they flickered back to the plushie in the bed. He realized two things as he gave Rei his best watery-eyed glare.

First, he we was feeling faint.

Second, Rei had the worst timing and the worst boxers in the world.

“Yo,” he managed to say as he shut the door behind him, regretting his earlier rudeness. _Now what the hell do I say next? He caught me by surprise._ He looked at Rei and waited for an outburst.

It didn't come. “I thought you knew, Rin-san. It's been pinned on the dormitory notice board, the list of accepted residents." Rei pushed his glasses upward his nose. “I've been contacting you since morning. Even Makoto-senpai and Gou-san were calling you.”

Rei being here meant only one thing. His eyes strayed to Rei's suitcase again, spying underwear this time. “You're my roommate?"

“Yes, I am,” Rei replied. “As I told you, I've been messaging and calling you all morning. My family had an emergency and I had to be here earlier. My first message was at 7:32 AM, followed by a call at 7:40 AM and then anoth-”

“Right, whatever,” Rin said. "Welcome, keep things clean, et cetera." _  
_

 

 

This was not a good day.

It wasn't like he hated Rei. Rei liked books and Math, was just as passionate and hardworking. He respected that. That's why he taught him butterfly tricks, right? He knew he'd be getting results even if Rei used to flail uselessly in the water. He often balked at Rei's fashion sense, but while it confused him to no end, it's something he could work on. Rei's tendency to be a heaping public embarrassment was harder to deal with, but he usually survived with awkward laughter and a palm to the forehead.

No, it was definitely _not_ because he hated Rei. They're okay. They're friends now, he thought, after all the swimming they did in high school. They swapped books occasionally. They'd been exchanging some messages. He invited him together with Haruka, Makoto, and Nagisa for a sleepover before. He could bear with him, all right.

It was Rei's honesty he's uncomfortable about.

Rei always spoke his mind and kept no secrets.

Rin was not like that. Not anymore.

 

 

Suddenly, the room spun. Rin grasped the doorknob for support.

“Why 43?" he asked, hoping he sounded casual enough.

“No other reasons except for the dormitory manager giving me this room," Rei replied. "I only found out you're my roommate after they've given me my key. It's a pleasant surprise."

 _Of course,_ Rin thought. _Rooms are assigned here. What's wrong with me?_ His skull felt like it was being carved from the inside.

"Can I ask why you're wet all over?” Rei asked.

“Rain,” Rin said impatiently as he leaned on the door. _Why won't my legs move?_

“Why did you go out in the rain?” came Rei's curious voice as he frowned again. “Couldn't you just wait till it stopped? That would've been the most _logical_ thing to do, seeing you have no umbrella or other protective covering with you.”

Why, indeed. Was it impulse, an urge to counter the feeling of being trapped, a fleeting feeling of freedom, a stupid move by a fever-ridden brain? Rin couldn’t decide the best answer. Whatever carving was happening inside his skull felt stronger. He heard himself say instead, “Do me a favor and shut up, Rei.”

 _Shit_ , he thought. _I didn't mean to say that_.

He then felt it: he was slipping. The room swung, and everything was becoming a blur.

“Are you all right, Rin-san?”

Rei stopped unpacking and walked toward him, frown deeper than ever, eyes laced with concern. “Rin-san!”

In response, Rin collapsed on the floor.

 

 

(Ramen)

He woke up to the spicy scent of ramen and Rei's face peering over him.

“I'm glad you're awake,” Rei said, looking relieved as he placed a bowl on Rin's bedside table. “How are you feeling, Rin-san?”

“Warm,” he said. “Better. What happened?” He tried to get up, but flinched when he felt his back ache and just lay still.

Rei was now filling a glass with water. “You fainted.”

Silence, then a blank stare that quickly changed into a pure look of terror, and a very crisp-

“Fuck."

"It's okay, really—"

"I blacked out? For how long?” Rin suddenly sat up straight, back be damned. He regretted the pain a second later. “Sorry, I di—”

“Five minutes. There's nothing to worry about or to apologize for,” Rei said. “It's all right. Can you stay like that, yes? You have to eat this while it's still hot. I have a couple of acetaminophen here,” he motioned to the table, where some tablets, a digital thermometer, and a small basin filled with water were lying next to the food. “You can eat, take the medicine, and sleep agai— Excuse me, but why are you looking at me like that?”

Rin's eyes were bulging in horror. “I'm— I'm wearing something else.” He was now wearing a pair of his old pajamas.

“Of course, you are. I took that pair from your closet.”

“Huh?”

“Rin-san. Did you expect me to put you to bed with your wet clothes still on?” Rei said sharply, pushing his glasses up his face again.

“You should've woken me up!” Rin hissed.

“I _tried_ , countless times in fact,” Rei answered gently, though he looked slightly annoyed. “You stayed unconscious. You're burning with fever but your hands felt very cold, your clothes stuck on you, and you were lying on the cold floor. Should I have left you there?” He placed the glass of water on the table with a dull thud.

Rin looked away, feeling irritation and guilt rise within him.

"Don't worry, it's not real trouble at all."

Rin snorted. "It _is_ , so give me a break."

_I probably made you very worried.  
_

“Well, to be honest I did panic at first. But I come from a family of doctors, and I was taught the importance of being calm in emergencies. I've also read all about flu symptoms and treatment as part of my research on how to survive college. I planned taking you to the hospital, but the rain and the distance weren't very agreeable to your condition just yet, so I did what I could. It was quite an interesting experience. I _know_ the theory, Rin-san." Rei smiled. "However I wonder if it's enough. I think it's not just the flu. You look—”

The last thing he needed right now was someone telling him he _looked_ terrible, because he already felt so fucked up, thanks — when the realization hit him.

Rei changed his clothes.

“You've _seen..._ ”

“I've seen what?” Rei asked.

He saw it. Rei saw _it_.

Rin nearly whimpered in frustration, but just laughed shakily. "Nothing."

Comprehension dawned on Rei's face. “Oh. I didn't. Please don't worry, I didn't look.”

And the two both laughed nervously, avoiding each other's eyes.

 

 

Rin ate his ramen in silence (after arguing he's strong enough to eat by himself), stealing a glance at Rei every minute or so. Rei had returned to his side of the room and resumed his unpacking, his back turned to Rin, completely silent except for the sound of plastic and zippers being opened and closed.

He knew deep down that this day would come. He had been overexerting himself from part-time work and swim training for months. He was lying to himself all this time, thinking he could keep things in control, made things stay as planned. He couldn't. Life wasn’t as easy to manage as data he easily crunched. He still was bad at this novelty of juggling so many things at once. He wasn't eating properly and he could barely sleep at night. Just two weeks ago, he had almost missed an exam. And now his body had succumbed to the strain.

His eyes found Rei's back again and he stared some more.

“Rei?” he asked, a bit hesitant.

He saw Rei pause.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

Rei turned to looked at him.

"For uh, the help," he said again. "And the ramen.”  _D_ _on't tell me you cooked in the kitchen wearing those boxer shorts,_ he added silently.

“You like it? I was worried I put too much crushed red pepper.”

“Yeah, it was pretty good. I like spicy food.”

Rei looked pleased. "I read that red pepper helps clear the nose. Can I ask you something, Rin-san?”

“Sure.”

“Since when have you been sick?”

“Roughly a week, I think.” _Actually I've been feeling like shit far longer than that._

“Was this the first time you fainted?”

 _No_ , Rin thought. _Someone knocked me out cold in Australia once_. “Yes,” he lied.

Rei faced him squarely now from the other bed. “And you haven't told Gou-san that you weren't feeling well, have you? Nor Makoto-senpai, Haruka-senpai, Yamazaki-san, or Nagisa-kun?”

Rei's eyes looked serious, Rin noted, behind the gleam of his red-framed glasses. He felt slightly uncomfortable. This was what he meant by dealing. Rei always seemed to read him easily with those eyes of his.

“I haven't,” he admitted.

“You're aware they'd be more worried about you if they find out you fell unconscious, don't you?”

“Don't tell me you—”

“I didn't tell them,” Rei cut him off. “You’re the one who should. I was just wondering why you weren't picking up your phone recently, and now I think I know the answer. You have to at least tell Gou-san you're all right.”

Rin set his empty ramen bowl aside. “Fine, you got me. I didn't want to worry you, guys.”

“What happened?” Rei asked again.

“I ran three blocks under the rain.”

“And then?”

“That's it, okay? Sheesh. Too many questions!”

Rei ignored this. “I don't think that's it.”

“I had fever, I got soaked in the rain, I fainted.”

“But you've been swimming since childhood,” said Rei as he fitted a curtain in their window. “An hour of rain won't weaken you to the point of fainting. You must've been doing something else to have caused it. Or this is more than the common flu. If that's the case, we need to get you to the hospital tomorrow.”

Rin could only look, mouth slightly open, as Rei began discussing prevention being better than cure (“At times like this, theory may not be enough”) and kept mumbling something about “possibly anemic”, “abnormal blood levels”, and “just probably overtaxing yourself”.

 _There he goes again_ , Rin thought. _Reading me like an open book_.

 

 

“Stop,” he muttered after Rei chattered on, mentioning possibly fifty diseases, all with their accompanying symptoms and cure. His head hurt. "Your fussing's just making me feel worse. You make it sound like I'm gonna drop dead any minute."

"But, Rin-san, how ar—"

“I said _stop._ For fuck's sake, you're so nosy!"

Rei reddened. "I'm only concerned for your well-being!"

"Don't see why you'd really care." _Why do you keep pushing yourself_ _?_ _I don't want you involved in my problems._

"It's not a matter of reason. I thought we're friends now. Friends care for each other, simply because they are. But if you don't want my help, I will have to respect your decision." With a final stiff push of his eyeglasses, Rei stormed back to his side of the room.

_You're only digging a hole I don't want you in._

_But fine._

"I've been working this semester," he said finally.

 

 

“You've been what?" Rei dropped a clothes hanger in surprise. "But didn't you tell us last Christmas you're taking full units?”

“Just part-time. Student assistant at two labs and the library." It burned to say it, this secret he kept from his friends all semester.

But for sure, Rei wouldn't stop nagging at him for answers.

 _Beside_ s, a tiny part of his brain seemed to remind, _it's Rei_.

Someone so embarrassing yet honest that even feelings seemed like the weather, the only person he was fully comfortable sharing his secrets with. Rei always understood him, somehow.

“Let me clarify,” Rei said. “You're doing full units, three jobs, _and_ swim training?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Rin put the now empty bowl back to the table, popped a tablet to his mouth, guzzled some water, and eased himself back to his sheets.

He tucked his chin under his blanket, but Rei had walked back to his side and was now pulling the blanket slightly lower. “Can I ask why?”

"What are you doing? I feel cold!"

“We can't bundle you. Just by the waist,” said Rei disapprovingly, before wringing the washcloth in the basin and placing it neatly on Rin's forehead. “There. If your fever persists in the next three hours, I may have to give you a sponge bath again."

“Mom's sick,” Rin said quietly, and Rei's fingers paused on his forehead. "That's why."

Rei was very still. "I'm sorry."

“Sick,” he repeated, more to himself than to anyone else, as if repeating the word would help him accept its meaning more. “Renal failure. Nobody else knows. It's recent, I knew just after my first swim meet."

 _Get it together, Matsuoka_ , he said to himself. _You fainted in front of Rei already, are you fucking going to cry now?_

He forced a smirk. “So there, stop asking me questions.”

Rei sat on the far edge of Rin's bed, just by his feet. He looked strangely distant and absorbed. “You won't be able to help her if you don't take care of yourself, Rin-san.”

“I know,” Rin said. “Go on, say it.”

“Say what?”

“I've been stupid.”

Silence came again, except for the soft hum of rain against the window. Rei didn't speak for a moment, choosing instead to stare at the floor like it was a particularly fascinating piece of artwork — hand on chin, brows just slightly furrowed.

“No,” Rei said after a while. "You're reckless.”

"Whatever you say," Rin grunted, feeling strangely comforted by those two words. Maybe he hadn't done enough to merit _stupid_ by Rei's standards? "Can you do me a favor? Don't tell Makoto and the others.” Deep down, he'd always wondered whether it was just his pride again acting up, refusing that he ask help from them. His friends had always been there for him. But he didn't want to worry them, and with his family's problem being of the financial sort, he really couldn't see the point of bothering anyone. 

And his sister. He and Mrs. Matsuoka decided not to tell Gou first, upon his own insistence. He was sure that if Gou knew, she'd sacrifice her college education so the finances could focus on him, a merit scholar of the School of Engineering, and on their mother's medication, whose job in the local bank would not suffice for two children in college and hemodialysis. So they made a pact, and talked with his mother’s doctor, who had fortunately scheduled the dialysis some time after he fetched Gou from home. Within the semester, when she had settled down in university, they'd finally tell her.

So far, so good. He was earning a decent amount of money to supplement the allowances he was getting from his scholarship. He'd take a bit for himself, then send all the rest to his mother as part of what they called their “winter savings”. He'd admit, however, that the juggler’s life he was doing was difficult. It's the kind of life that culminated on passing out on floors.

“I won't,” he heard Rei say and he snapped out of his thoughts. “I promise.”

“Thanks, Rei.” He felt truly grateful.

“But you have to promise me something, too.”

“Fair with me.”

“That you won't give up and that you'd take care of yourself.”

“Or else what?”

“Or else,” Rei said decisively, “I won't forgive you.”

Rin laughed, then winced at the effort this caused his chest. It had been a while, but Rei was still Rei. “Right. Deal.”

“Very well,” said Rei, looking satisfied. “I'll be waking you at 11:30 for another Tylenol.”

"Right. Uh, Rei..."

"What is it?"

"I'll take you shopping after all this. On me."

"Certainly," was Rei's reply. "I'll go with you, but it doesn't need to be 'on you'. I have to buy new socks as I packed the wrong ones. Also the curtain I've brought with me doesn't fit the window. And my bag of groceries is enough only for a week, it'll be unhealthy to eat ramen daily, we need to stock up on bread and eggs—"

Rin groaned. “Fine. List whatever you think we need to buy and we'll do the rounds when I'm— I mean when the rain stops. Tomorrow."

"No," said Rei. "You should still be resting."

"Ugh. Have I told you your boxers are ugly yet? That's why I wanted to take you shopping.”

“Well you did, just now,” said Rei, sounding offended as he crossed back to his own bed and set his alarm clock. “But the zebra is a symbol of beauty in many African cultures, and it is a—"

“As if it's the same thing,” Rin said under his breath, rolling his eyes. He realized he liked annoying Rei for some reason. "You should wear a full-body zebra suit, then. You know, to be _more_ beautiful."

Rei pondered this. "You think so, Rin-san?"

"I _was_ being sarcastic."

"Oh." Rei seemed to still be thinking about Rin's suggestion.

"Do you get me, Speedo Glasses? If you ever decide to walk around the campus looking like a zebra, don't come near me."

"I won't," whispered Rei, and Rin didn't know if it was a vow that referred to not looking like a zebra, or not coming near him. "And please don't call me that. Good night, Rin-san."

"Wait, you're sleeping already?”

“Yes, I am," came Rei's voice. "I believe in a complete night's rest. Besides I have to make sure I wake you before midnight. I'm a bit tired as well from traveling. Do you sleep with the lights on or off?” ”

“On,” said Rin.

“I prefer the lights off," said Rei, "but tonight we can leave them on.”

"Thanks. Night."

Rin, who had shifted slightly to the wall, careful not to let the washcloth fall off his forehead, heard a click on Rei's bedside table; he must have placed his glasses there. A rustling of sheets, a last “Good night”, and then silence. He turned his head to the right, toward Rei's bed. He saw him lying straight as an arrow, eyes peacefully closed, arms folded neatly on a blanket that covered him from feet to stomach.

 _Rei sleeps like a dead man_ , he thought.

He stared at the ceiling for a good minute, wondering how he even survived the day. Carefully, he retrieved a small black notebook and a pen underneath his pillow. He managed to write, under  _Entry 5273,_ the following words:

 

_Rain. Roommate, Rei. Ramen._

_(signed) Rin_

 

He'd have to go into details, he noted. But that entry should suffice for now.

_I'd have a cracked skull before I forget this day, anyway._

 

 

 *

A bed away, Rei's eyes opened. He lied, he couldn't really sleep. Not with what happened today. The words he heard, the memory of Rin falling on the floor. He reached for his glasses and looked at the sleeping Rin — the noodles and medicine had brought back a bit of color to his face, but the blanket reached up to his chin again. Quietly, he padded toward Rin's bedside, adjusting both the blanket and the washcloth on his roommate's forehead.

Rei saw Rin's arms were wrapped tightly around a pillow. He smiled.

 _Rin-san sleeps like a child_ , he thought.

He sat beside Rin for a good while, listening to the rain, wondering how he even survived the day. And then he went to the kitchen to wash the ramen bowl.

Rain still pattered softly in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think! :)


End file.
